So today my mother was admitted into the ER by the Hospice staff because rigger is starting to set in and her jaw had locked open. They did her surgery and she made it through. Some how some way it isn't God's plan to take her just yet. Maybe today maybe tomorrow I will get that call but i know in my heart that i'm not ready to get that heart. I 'think' i'm ready to let her go be with God but i'm not quite sure. I'm terrified to walk this earth without my mom. All the times she has given me advice, all the times she has been the only one there. I love her sometimes more than I love my children. That sounds horrible but she has been the one that has stood by me for 25 years. She wiped my tears, she listened when no one else understood, she wiped the blood and helped me up after a fall. I'm so very scared to say goodbye and no one will ever understand how i don't think i can go through this life without her. And then on top of everything!!!!!!!! Brad deploys in less than a month and i have to say goodbye to him as well. What do i do, where do i turn, my rock is dieing and my other rock is deploying, I have a ton of friends and a wonderful support system but i'm just not sure. Tristen is showing signs of daddy leaving, Shylah will be ok once she realizes things. I'm scared for them, they will never know my mom like I do. Oh well enough whining today, tomorrow is a new day and a new start. Everything happens for a reason. "You can never discover new oceans until you have the strength to loose site of the shore".
Jess
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